11/20/2009 07:20AM
One of the differences between humans and animals is that animals rarely attack members of their own species, whereas humans go to war quite often with other humans
11/06/2009 11:10AM
If I didn't make my living as a writer I think I'd like to be a cartoonist. There's really only one thing holding me back: I can't draw. (There are some critics who say I can't write either but that hasn't stopped me from being a writer!)
10/30/2009 10:02AM
Mrs. Samuel recently brought her second grade class to my house to see my collection of cowboy collectibles.
10/22/2009 02:33PM
The grocery store manager came running down the aisle screaming, “What are you doing opening those bags and eating those potato chips inside the store?”
10/19/2009 03:12PM
Just like that moose in Vermont who fell in love with a Hereford cow named Jessica, other species go bonkers over me. I hasten to add that there is nothing sexual about my attraction.
10/16/2009 10:18AM
If one goose is a geese shouldn't a gang of geese be geeses? Definitely, but somewhere in the corruption of the King's English a group of geese on the ground became a gaggle and a skein in the air.
10/14/2009 11:12AM
I'm not a clubby kind of guy. I don't belong to Rotary, Kiwanis, PTA, KKK, John Birch Society or Book of the Month Club. I take pride in the fact that I've been disinvited to join many groups. That's all right with me because I hate meetings.
10/07/2009 01:38PM
They were at the big department store to buy Ethel her first new longhandle underwear in 20 years and J.B. went along to make sure Ethel didn't squander any money needlessly.
09/25/2009 01:47PM
I can usually tell what a person’s occupation is with one simple question: “What time is it?” This is how people in the following jobs answer that question: