Commentary: Problems to ignore

There are so many terrible problems to obsess over, such as wars, unemployment, environmental disasters and the mounting challenges at firing up at least a semblance of self-governance among our elected representatives in Congress.

Across the meat industry, activists are challenging almost every aspect of production, targeting every species of food animal and serving up a daily litany of problems, threats and abuses over which they urge the public to agonize—and more importantly, to contribute.

Most of the issues involved in all the scenarios above are complex, multifaceted and extremely difficult to solve—assuming you agree that they’re properly classified as problems in the first place. That can be psychologically stressful and ultimately damaging to people who make serious efforts to seek solutions.

As a counterbalance, a sort of anti-problem list, here are 10 Problems You Can Safely Ignore:

Sunscreen. These products can be “dangerous,” according to the Environmental Working Group. Why? Because of toxic chemicals (allegedly), vitamin A (EWG says it causes cancer; and I thought it helps to see better in the dark) and high SPF numbers (they’re misleading). Also, no sprays or powders should be used—they’re ineffective. Got it?

Aerosols. Used in numerous consumer and industrial products—spray paints, hairsprays, cleaning and household products, industrial sealants, lubricants—they’re “irresponsible,” says the Environmental Working Group. About 95% of aerosol propellants are hydrocarbons such as carbon dioxide and nitrogen, which are greenhouse gases. Not only that, but VOCs (volatile organic compounds) cause ground level ozone, a primary smog component.

Long-distance relationships. There’s now a support group for people in such relationships, “whether they’re a couple hours or a couple continents away,” according to the Daily Strength group. For all those sufferers, the group is a place “to share your long-distance challenges and triumphs, brag about long-distance love, give long-distance tips and ideas” and, of course, get support from people just like you. Only a long distance away.

Clutter. Clutterers Anonymous is a 12-step fellowship of people who “share experience, strength, and hope with each other solve their problem with clutter and help others recover.” The only requirement for membership? A desire to eliminate clutter, which would seem to beg the question, but what do we know?

Roundabouts. There is a national—though fragmented—movement to ban the traffic circles used as an alternative to stoplights or signs in numerous countries around the world. Why? Because American drivers are supposedly too dumb to navigate them properly.

Pigeons. The activist group In Defense of Animals is offering a $2,500 reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of anyone responsible for the illegal netting of rock pigeons in New York City. So far? No culprits and no payouts.

Goldfish. In Rome, where emperors once ruled and gladiators battled to the death, a new ordinance now requires that goldfish be entitled to a proper, full-sized aquarium and can no longer be given out as contest prizes, according to the city’s Office for Animal Rights. The statute is “winning plaudits from animal-rights activists, snarls from pet-shop owners and puzzlement from all quarters.”

Ferrets. The group Educated Ferret Association is trying to raise $50,000 to support its mission to “save abandoned ferrets” by participating in America's Giving Challenge. Like HSUS, the money isn’t going to be spent on housing the animals themselves, but on “public education.”

Caffeine. Numerous medical researchers want caffeine withdrawal classified as a “psychological disorder.” Surprisingly, though, most references to the subject (groups like Coffee Addicts Anonymous and Caffeine Addicts Anonymous and websites such as coffeenatic.com) are all about people who love coffee and can’t get enough of it.

Toilet bowl cleaners. Containing such life-threatening ingredients as detergents, isopropyl alcohol and phenol, the National Poison Control Center warns that toilet bowl cleaners and deodorizers can cause “loss of vision, severe burning in nose, eyes, ears, lips or tongue, severe abdominal pain, vomiting, headaches, seizures and comas.”

Wow. You can forget about me ever cleaning a toilet again.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Dan Murphy, a veteran food-industry journalist and commentator.

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