In what must be another instance of a never-ending quest to sell Americans more stuff they didn’t know they needed, Barnana, the maker of a banana-based snack bar, will begin marketing gorilla milk in the U.S. Seriously. But this is not your ordinary gorilla milk. The aptly named Gorilla Milk is also “grass-fed, raw primate milk.” But wait, there’s more! Gorilla Milk is also “Fairtrade, unpasteurized and raw.” Which, no doubt, increases the demand for gorilla milk among folks lacking basic understanding of what bacteria can do to the human gut. None of which matters, however, unless you can actually milk a gorilla. Does it take a team of MMA fighters to do the job? Is it an Olympic sport? Nope. Barnana CEO Caue Suplicy says he’s had “the privilege to milk one myself.” Dude must be buff.
Fun stories we’ve stumbled upon while compiling this week’s GTN.
- Top 10 Humbling Experiences For Farmers
- South Carolina Toddler Calls 911 for Help Putting on Pants
- Minnesota to Open World’s First ‘Water Bar’
- Just Another Day at the Office Feeding the Snakes
- Meet the Man Who Creates Britain’s Wackiest Ice Cream Flavors—Including Cut Grass and Anchovy
- Woman Attacks Husband’s Testicles For Not Helping With Housework
Bundy Refuses To Enter Plea
During his first appearance in federal court in Las Vegas since being transferred from Oregon to Nevada last month, rancher Cliven Bundy refused to enter a plea yesterday to charges related to a 2014 armed standoff with federal agents. A not guilty plea was entered on his behalf. Bundy’s attorney said Bundy does not recognize authority of the federal government in this matter.
Meanwhile, two Oregon State troopers who fatally shot Robert “LaVoy” Finicum said they believed Finicum was reaching for a gun inside his jacket pocket and that he was about to shoot a colleague of the officers. Both troopers said Finicum repeatedly reached into his jacket while refusing to surrender.
Harsher Penalties For Rustlers
Oklahoma legislators are seeking to enact stiffer punishments for cattle rustlers. This week, the Oklahoma House of Representatives passed a bill that would make it possible for prosecutors to charge suspected cattle rustlers with a separate offense for each head of cattle stolen. Currently, the language of state statutes says that an alleged cattle thief is charged with one felony offense per incident, regardless if they take two steers or 200.