NFL scandals, problem cows, bacon cures and beef tendons

As most of you know, the New England Patriots are currently under fire for accusations of a cheating scandal involving tampered pigskins during the AFC Championship against the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday.

Patriot quarterback, and longtime female fan heartthrob, Tom Brady, has come out in defense that he is innocent, and the 24 footballs he selected for the game were referee inspected.

"When I pick those footballs out, at that point, to me, they're perfect," he said. "I don't want anyone touching the balls after that. I don't want anyone rubbing them, putting any air in them, taking any air out,” Brady said in a press conference covered by ESPN. “To me, those balls are perfect, and that's what I expect when I show up on the field."

Turns out Brady and an Iowa farmer share common ground in being particular about the state of their balls. In a recent post on Craigslist, “Dan” listed a Black Angus cow that had become a notorious “ball licker,” freezing up his Mirafount waterer.

Dan cautioned interested buyers to only make the purchase of the bred cow if they had a watered cattle with tanks, as they would have the same problem. Since the post, Dan has made an update that his cow has found a new home and the buyer, “Left assuring me she doesn’t have any balls.”

Cured to cure

While there has been recent buzz that the era of bacon is going to soon see a fall, Jennifer Gunter, MD, is handing out useful medical advice with three ways to use bacon as a medical treatment.

“You might think of bacon, that thing of gustatory beauty that is salted, cured pork, as just pleasure for your taste buds, however, one of the first medical facts I learned in 2015 was that bacon has medicinal purposes (apart from making you feel better after eating it),” she wrote in her column for KevinMD.com. And since everything you are told by those in the medical profession is absolutely true (cough, cough, Dr. Oz), pay close attention.

Bacon treatments include:

  1. “To stop a killer nosebleed” – Simply roll up some bacon, stuff it in your nose and voila, nosebleed conquered.

“Apparently the high salt content of bacon is believed to induce swelling which causes the blood vessels to constrict slowing the flow of blood and helping clotting,” she says.

  1. “In the treatment of furuncular myiasis” – This is condition where parasites plant larva in the soft tissue and skin of your body. Luckily, it turns out the larva aren’t immune to bacon fever, and can be lured out with bacon fat.
  2. “As a treatment for scabies” – While Gunter notes this is not as effective as modern medicine, rubbing bacon fat on the scabies rash can help cure the seven-year itch.

“I’m not sure who first wondered if a lump of salted pork could help stop bleeding or lure parasitic larvae for easier removal, but it never ceases to amaze me how many therapies are born from a MacGyveresque combination of basic science and what is on hand,” Gunter says.

Coyotes fear him, men want to be like him

Coyotes – the elusive pests that wreak havoc on farmers and ranchers, especially during calving and lambing seasons. South Dakota Game, Fish & Parks Department trapper Scott Philips has been doing his part in eliminating the predators.  

“Last year alone, Phillips, working with wildlife service state pilots and gunners, helped kill close to 600 coyotes, still only a drop in the bucket for an animal with an incredible knack for surviving just about anywhere, including urban environments such as Manhattan,” reports the Rapid City Journal.

As a kid, Phillips grew up trapping beaver, possum, fox, raccoon and muskrat that would help hone in his instinct for his trapping career. Philips is also the first to admit he’s built a respect for the species that have proved to be tenacious survivors.

“I have really gone up against some tough coyotes. Don’t underestimate them, because they can prove you wrong,” he says.

The tendons are served

Next up on the menu is a growing hype, with projections of turning beef tendons into the next caviar.

“We have begun to realize how much people's notions of delicious have been based on scarcity, not on what tastes best," says Anya Fernald of California-based Belcampo Meat Co. in a story by the Los Angeles Times.

The trendy restaurant plans on using the tendons as part of their appetizer selection. This comes with an increasing interest by chefs in using “lower end” cuts of the animal to challenge themselves in creating a sublime culinary dish.

Hats off to these creative culinary experts on bringing value and demand for lower end cuts.  

Sticking to the basics, and your ribs

While there are chefs working to create the new masterpieces based off tough cuts and animal parts that usually get turned into dog food, some are sticking to the basics and working on serving a darned good burger.

Tweet of the week award goes to @BurgerBusiness with this handsome pile of beef, nacho cheese, battered cheese curds and a corn dog fried bun.