Every year in December, there are a slew of holiday-themed news stories about people doing crazy things — in the spirit of the season, of course.
People getting stuck in chimneys trying to re-enact “The Night Before Christmas,” people trying to steal entire Nativity scenes, only to have their getaway van break down, and even sickening stories of thieves ripping off some charity’s stash of toys meant for underprivileged kids.
In that latter criminal genre, there was a case this year in which two men and a woman accomplice in Seattle robbed a local drug store shortly before Christmas by filling up a shopping basket with toys, running out of the store without paying, then threatening to kill the store clerk who tried to photograph the getaway car’s license plates with her cell phone. Later, the same trio was spotted following UPS trucks through a nearby residential neighborhood, then allegedly stealing the packages that had been delivered to people’s houses.
I mean, nothing captures the “goodwill to men” concept that informs the holidays quite like shoplifting toys and stealing holiday packages in order to brighten some kid’s Christmas morning. Whether the stolen toys and gifts were “re-gifted” or fenced for cash, either way, it’s hard to discern what message a youngster could possibly take away from those losers, other than a total perversion of the holiday spirit.
Now this year, there’s a new “stunt” to add to the list of dumb and dumbfounding crimes that mark the season.
Mistakes come in threes
Last week, a young woman was arrested for throwing raw meat at officers in a suburban Boston police station.
According to the Boston Herald, a 24-year-old woman named Lindsay McNamara entered the Framingham, Mass., police station carrying a Dunkin’ Donuts box. She allegedly told the officer on duty at the front desk that she was there “to feed the pigs,” and then proceeded to hurl the contents of the box at the desk.
See, right there, that was her first mistake. I don’t care where your political sensitivities lie, whether you agree or disagree the police can be overzealous in effecting their law enforcement duties, going to the “p” word is never going to end well.
Then came the woman’s second mistake: Throwing the raw bacon and sausage at the officer. According to news reports, he was sitting behind a bulletproof glass barrier, so any thoughts the woman might have harbored about physically connecting “pig” and “bacon” was never going to materialize.
Indeed, McNamara failed to hit anything other than the glass itself with her box of raw meat (see photo).
At which point she made her third and final mistake, which was to begin smearing the raw meat on the window, continuing to do so until an officer came finally out into the lobby to arrest her, according to the Boston Herald story.
The newspaper reported that McNamara was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and destruction of property. Her defense? She claimed that no actual property, other than her lawfully purchased bacon and sausage, had been destroyed.
That argument will fly in court about as well as real reindeer pulling a life-size sleigh up onto somebody’s rooftop.
“I mean, I didn’t really destruct [any] property,” said she was quoted during her arraignment. “I just smeared some grease.”
In addition to mangling the language, McNamara didn’t exactly set a new legal precedent with her statement.
And like adding a star to the top of a Christmas tree, she put a capper on her case by claiming that, “God made me do it.”
Probably should have specified the Baby Jesus if she hoped to garner any mercy that might be dished out in acknowledgement of the holidays.
Or claimed she was only trying to donate the meat to those less-fortunate souls spending Christmas in the clink.
As she undoubtedly did.